Report Blog Entry
ive liked this girl for years now but i dont think she even likes me as a friend but then again i have a hard time beliving anyone is my friend...
i want to talk to her but when i try i get awkward and over think i act like an idiot. i feel like when i like someone i loose all my brain cells, bc i get so flustered. i wish i could be chill and normal, around ppl i like but i ruin it, and besides when i get involved w ppl i ruin their life!
it doesnt matter how hard i try to become someone better by working on myself all of my exs say they hate me or act like they do. they all blame it on me, and to be fair i was a shit person when i was younger, but ive worked so hard to be a better person, and all i ever hear is how i suck! how am i supposed to have any romance when i ruin everything?
maybe ill just suck no matter how hard i work to be a good person, so i dont think i could ever tell her. i probably should cut her off so she can have the amazing life she deserves, but shes so pretty and sweet not to mention shes got a lot of the same views as me in so many ways... i dont want her finding out so i dont wanna go into to much detail.
i catch myself obsessing over her, and ik thats not healthy bc of my addiction to love. (that im trying to break) im worried if i keep her in my life ill ruin everything and tell her, part of me wants to tell her but the realistic side of my brain knows thats a horrible idea.
still i cant help but daydream abt us being together when i recover, but thats idealistic recovery isnt liner and i dont trust myself to know when im actually fully better.
what do i do here? i havent been able to decide.
Comments
Displaying 2 of 2 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
Star
Being a good person and changing takes time. But if you remain consistent then other people will catch up. Discovering who you are is more important because that will help define your values. Liking someone is exciting and can also be really anxiety inducing. Try to enjoy the good feelings because they might make up a lot of core memories for you. If you think she’s pretty then just allow yourself to appreciate that in magical moments. Sometimes when I meet new people I fall in love with them for a night and think they’re the most beautiful person in the world. Think about what an older version of you might want you to do now. Taking risks is a big part of character development and sometimes doing nothing is worse but you need to decide what that means for you. You know yourself better than any of us
Keerfloey
Idk about u but, honestly, in all sincerity... First, you aren't people's perception of you. Second, romance starts from within with oneself. Third, the base for romance is friendship. Forth, there are things outside our control. Finally, I hope everything works out for you and your wellbeing.