03/29 . 2

Click. Click. 

I kick the TV to make it work better. 

On the tape: an absolutely happy six-year-old boy in a brand-new red cap. He takes a deep breath and blows out all the candles on the cake at once. The camera catches a glimpse of a self-satisfied smile on his face—he blew out the candles on the first try. For a few minutes, the view is blocked by flashes of clapping and laughing relatives, blurred congratulations mixed with the cheesy music coming from the speakers. The boy is immediately overwhelmed by colorful boxes: cars, comic books, and superhero figures. In the box that the boy's father hands him, there is a young surger's kit. Someone asks: "So, do you wanna be a doctor in the future?"

The boy looks confused for a second, but then smiles.

"No, i wanna be Spider-Man!" the boy exclaims, enthusiastically clutching a brand-new plastic superhero figure in a red costume. The face of Spidey is printed on the wrong side, as the figure was purchased at the last moment by the boy's aunt at a roadside store. "When I grow up, I want to be Spider-Man!" 

Click. 

 On the tape: The boy has grown a little. He awkwardly strums the strings of a new guitar (a gift for his twelfth birthday) and looks around at the posters of rock musicians that cover the walls of his room. A slightly worn-out red cap covers his eyes, but you can see that he's smiling shyly.

 "Dad, what's the matter?" 

"Well, son, what are your plans for the future?"— a stern voice says over the camera. 

"I want to..." I want to put together a band, record an album... I've got a couple of songs ready, do you want to hear them?" 

Click. Click.

 Click. The screen goes dark, but for a moment, the boy in the cap overlaps my reflection, and I feel like I haven't changed since that moment. Except for the faded cap, which my mother threw away, and the slight growth in my height.

 I still have a lot of things I want to be.

 I want to be a spy. I want to be a treasure hunter. I want to solve crimes, shoot bad guys, and save beautiful girls. I want to fill stadiums and run from crazy fans. I want to be Spider-Man. 

Tomorrow I'm eighteen, and in the corner, covered with clothes and boxes, lies a young surgeon's kit

xo