Always alone

Warning: mentions of su*cide

The planet is dying, why do people still care about looks. A rant about my day btw.

Anyways, I hate popular people. I don't care who you are, you're always gonna be selfish. I met someone popular, and they're fun to talk to but then they get with their friends and you're immediately the odd one out. My school has multiple locations, so my friends are often at the other location so I don't get to see them that much, it sucks ass. So most of the time I'm alone, during breaks, I'm sitting alone and I feel like a fucking loser, and of course, people take that as the moment to make fun of you and sit by your table if there isn't any other room, while making a whole performance of it just because they have to be near you. I hate it. I hate it so much.

I have about a couple friends in my class, but I don't sit with them during breaks often, so I'm not so close with them. I'm often lonely, I'm the girl who's just too different apparently, I've got red hair, acne, different fashion style, etc, etc. And I hate it. Yesterday I was in class, I've already been depressed all day, I've already been tired all day, and it's even worse when in English, the topic is st.patrick's day. I think you know where this is going. The redhair jokes, I'm the only redheaded in the class, and I can take a joke, but not when it's a basic white popular girl that gets all her inspo from tiktok and not her own personal style. I've never talked to this girl, she doesn't know if I find these jokes funny (which I don't). Usually I can take it, if it's someone im GOOD FRIENDS WITH, even if we're considered friends, don't automatically think you can make a joke about it. I know I sound pathetic, I'm supposed to get used to it, but I don't think you understand how shitty my time has been recently. The same day I went to therapy and I cried through the whole thing, I didn't even get to the part to talk about what happened that day. Anyways, now I've got affirmations to tell myself everyday so that I don't think about k*lling myself to avoid the effects of climate change and the people who don't care about it.

Sorry that this entire rant is messy and doesn't entirely make sense, this blog would be way too long if I told y'all every detail. just, in conclusion; maybe think before you say something, because you never know what someone is going through, plus, you don't know them well enough, you flat assed jerk. xoxo

Please tell me your own experiences, please tell me there is hope in humanity. I'm tired of unempathetic, comfortably cruel and completely shitty people. Am I the only one who thinks that being impolite has actually become more normalized????