Living in filth as a 16Y/O

I never realised that not everyone lives like this until I began making friends this year and visiting their houses, to find that.. Well, they don't. It's never picturesque perfect, but rather alright. Homes look lived in-thats normal, I reckon.

What isn't normal is having mold growing in the shower; Mystery liquid dripping from the ceiling when I take a bath, from the pink mildew. Dirty dishes so many that even if I wanted to, I couldn't wash them because there's physically not enougy space in the kitchen sink. The dishwasher, of course, is dysfunctional. There's never a clean plate or glass; Today, for instance, I had to cook eggs in a one-day old oiled pan. Because I couldn't do otherwise. Kitchenware, metal pots, tupperware on kitchen counters filled with old, mouldy and occasionally putrid-smelling food at times; The scent can get so stungent it fills even the hallway.

The bathroom sink doesn't work. My mom poured hydrochloric acid down it, thinking it would fix the clog, but I'm 99% sure it just pierced through the tubes-Not to mention the dirty piles of smelly, used toilet paper and baby wipes on the floor and overflowing from the tiny trashcan (That I have taken upon myself to take care of because to me, for no rational reason, it exists as the sole line seperating my family "home" from that of a junky.)

Last year we suffered from both an ant and roach infestation. Again, I never knew other people didn't have these problems until, well, now. 

There's dirty laundry outside of the bathroom; Piles of it, at times, but it's always there. Sometimes it's bloodied underwear, and that smells, as you can guess. Unfolded, unironed clothing lie on my mother's bed, covering up more than half-An appaling picture, if you will.

I'm insecure about putting my clothes in the laundry, always have been, because I'm not sure if I'll ever see them again dare I put them there. I'm now old enough to be able to load a clotheswasher, and I'll have to learn to at the least take care of my own clothes, as I now recognise I can't be wearing a shirt until it starts to smell before I finally leave in the washer.

I was never told to brush my teeth, or that I was to shower everyday. I started only brushing my teeth in the 4-5th grade, because it kinda just hit me. I know nothing of personal hygiene; And all I know I wasn't taught.

There isn't always enough space in the diapers we leave for the dog in the living room, and so he often takes to pissing and shitting on the carpet instead, which is a problem in the winter; I for one have no carpets in my room because he would constantly come in here and ruin them. My mom found it humourous, I did not. It smelled.

No-one vacuums, no one mops, no one cleans the dust. The carpets and tiles are often visibly dirty, with either stains that won't leave or just small trash and clutter. Speaking of clutter, the house is always... Messy. I can't even describe it. Nothing in its place, ever.

When my dad is home, things are a little better. Because when he isn't gaming or walking the dog, he's cleaning. Which I reckon is rather neat and does bring some sort of balance to my life.

On the other hand, my dad isn't really home (especially as of lately). My dad never has really been home, I realise. He lives with his mom about 3 hours away, on the claim that this is where his job is. One must note that when we're talking about jobs, he works two nights a week as a musician. You can imagine, especially in Greek's failing economy, this is not nearly enough to maintain a family of 4 and a dog. He said he would find another job-besides, all of his coworkers do this as a hobby, an extra buck if you will-as we CANT sustain my afterschool classes necessary for my preparation for the Panhellenics in 2ish years time. Needless to say the jobhunt, which I doubt the existence of, has been going well.

My mom works too. Shes a civil servant, I'm not sure exactly what it is she does, but she works a normal 8-2PM workday. So, yes, theoretically, she has the time to do stuff. She just doesn't do it. I fathom she prioritises other things-Her own extracurriculars. She goes jogging, she takes music classes and she's currently working towards another piano certificate, after getting one a month or so back;And honestly, good for her. I guess if things were any different, I could maybe admire her, but I don't. If I'm to call her out on our disgusting living conditions, she's quick to blame it on having ADHD, her inability to focus, how busy she is, how many things she does outside of work and how I'm ungrateful and I want her to quit everything she does.

That's not true; I just want everything to be somewhat in order. Am I wrong for not wanting to continue living in a house thats only comparable to a junkyard? 

There's never food when I come back from home-And due to our poor financial situation, sometimes there's nothing to have for breakfast either. So I end up having to eat at 5 or 6 P.M, last time having eaten the night before. This makes focusing hard. At times I can eat at my grandmas but not always, because I usually finish school at around half past 2 and my classes start again at 3.

I can't go to the gym, we don't have money. I've been working out at home, I've been going on walks and I guess that suffices.

I also go on walks when my mom and younger sister argue. Which is often. It gets loud and messy and it's gotten tiring. Really tiring.

Studying is hard. I try to maintain my grades and not leave any gaps because I don't wanna stay here any longer than required and I want to study maybe either aerospace engineer or medicine. Just a thought-But It's glaringly obvious that to do either of these, I ought to keep my grades up. My living conditions affect my studying, inadvertantly.

The dog often barks a lot; I sleep with earplugs although sometimes he scratches on my door and wakes me up (I'm a very light sleeper). I hate him to no end, although I recognise it's not his fault. I hate walking him, I hate hearing him bark, I hate having him in my home. My mom say's he's just a dog, that's normal. But people train their animals. They don't just let them rule the house. My house, if you can even call it that.

I guess I'm happy for my mom. I'm glad she's getting better at the piano. But my feelings for both my parents are bittersweet and mixed. I don't think I'll ever forgive either of them for letting me live like this. I don't think I'm wrong in saying that all children deserve to live with both parents present, in a relatively clean home; Not tidy, CLEAN. My mom has always treated me like an adult, even when I was younger. I'm not gonna go much into it, because it has affected me in other ways as well, but when speaking of cleanliness, she generally attributes a large portion of responsibility to me. Because I don't clean; However I don't believe keeping the house clean is within my responsibilities, as a student. Sure, I'll help around. I keep the bathrooms clean, I keep my room clean but I'm very busy with studying especially as I'm getting older and things get harder.

I just wish I was born in a normal family. All families have their problems, sure, but I can't help but feel that this goes beyong the realms of regular issues. I hate living like this and I hate the world for making it so unfair for me. I hate hearing the piano, I hate dogs and animals in general and I hate noise-I hate clutter, I hate filth. I hate feeling dirty, and I can never feel fully clean because of how we live. I can never invite anyone over. Never. I'm even ashamed of bringing my closest friend here, even though I know she won't judge. I hate my life here and I can't wait to leave. I know this situation will follow me into adulthood and I can only hope that I've not gotten used to straight up filth but rather just only grown a ton more hateful of it.