ex guy bsf vent

my first interaction with Nathan was within the first few weeks of school, a group of boys where standing by the door, one of them said to Nathan something about dating me and he said he would "rather die" and they laughed. later on I went onto Snap chat and found his name and asked if he was in any of my classes, he said biology, I said I don't know who he is. I asked what he looked like and then figured it out, he then apologized for what he said. he said that its his go to phrase for when his friends say anything  like that. i said it was okay, me and him slowly started to snap each other and have a daily streak. after a while me and him would call to play roblox together, me and him decided to play 99 nights in the forest, me and him where on call for 45 minutes to an hour, he said his dad needed him and he would talk to me later, he kept that promise. we slowly started to call more not just to play games but to just talk. he made me laugh like no one else could, not a fake laugh a guy wrenching laugh, I loved to talk to him and would look forward to it. but I had gotten a boyfriend that was very jealous and not the best, my ex did not like Nathan, but I continued to talk with Nathan. he was my best guy friend. I asked my boyfriend if I could add him to his discord server, he was hesitant but agreed. he did not like how Nathan would joke, he did not like Nathan at all, I was upset because I liked them both (in a friend way for Nathan). and I was hoping they would get along, not long later Nathan invited me to fall fest that happens every year in his neighborhood, I don't know why but I asked my ex for permission. he said no and that he didn't trust Nathan. me and him got in a fight and I said why are you so controlling? and he finally agreed after a while. I would've gone anyways, I told Nathan I could go. I came a few hours early to his house and me and him started walking to the park to play basketball, on the way there we kept joking around and where messing with each other, as we got to the park me and him started to play basketball, he was way better but me and him still had fun together. after we got tired me and him walked into the forest by the park and sat on a log and took a picture together, he climbed on top of a tree branch and threw sticks at me, me and him started to throw rocks as far as we could, he obviously was better. we walked deeper in the forest and one of us stepped in mud, we walked back and grabbed our stuff then started walking to the fall fest as it was going to start soon. it took a long time but when we got there we went to get ice cream and sat at a bench, he kept dropping ice cream on his shirt and pants. I took a picture of him and laughed, I asked to swim and kinda begged because I loved swimming, but he said no because he didn't have a change of clothes and didn't want to take off his shirt, I laughed and we went to go sit at a bench by the volleyball court, he started to play with the littler kids and I joined, we laughed and he rode some random girls bike, after he got tired we sat on the bench together and I was messing with him and he said "that's it I'm calling my home-girl" and I laughed and said oh who's that? he called my phone and I laughed and understood the joke that was implied. after me and him got bored we started to walk back to his house. me and him played with his dog, and then he had boxing gloves and play boxed. he obviously won but, it was still fun to mess around. I started to annoy him in a playful way so he picked me up and threw me on the couch, after that me and him sat down on the couch together and started to play games together as he put a pizza in the oven. after eating the pizza we ran around a bit and my grandpa came to pick me up not long after, after dabbing me up and walking me to the door I left. me and him would call all the time. we would video chat often because he was so needy but it was also sweet. me and my ex started to have problems and I would talk to Nathan about it because I trusted him. he would stay up late to comfort me and help me calm down, after more fighting with my ex I told Nathan how I wanted to break up with my ex, but I was scared too and didn't want to hurt his feelings. he did it for me in a nice way but my ex didn't take it well. Nathan would always talk about girls he liked, I would give advice but it would hurt. once he got a girlfriend everything changed. he was dry, and slowly stopped calling and talking with me. after I kept bugging him and asking what's wrong, he told me that talking with me was 'micro cheating' and that he didn't like me and didn't want to be friends. I asked if he ever cared, he said no. I asked why he was friends with me for 6 months if he didn't like me, he said he felt bad. after a while I contacted him and apologized and he said he didn't mean what he said and him and his girlfriend where fighting and he didn't want to deal with me. I said it was okay and we had a snap streak and unfriended me. he would still talk to me in com con and I felt like he still cared I know he does. I would post on TikTok and he would view all of my stories, and videos I assumed. he would repost seal videos and he knew I LOVED seals. it felt like a quiet sign, I posted a video with a audio "do I creep you out? to I creep you out." the caption on the screen said "pov when I tell someone about my past" he commented no, no you don't. he never has good grammar it felt like he thought about sending it one too many times, I knew he still cared. he still catches my eye when I walk in the hall, almost every day. I can't stop thinking about what me and him had. I think its love, or maybe my attachment issues but he hurt me so bad with the stuff he said.