24/03/2026

the last few days have felt so strange. my grandma isn't doing well and she will most likely pass away one of these weeks. death is such a weird thing to comprehend. for a long time, I was fine with dying; I even wanted it, but now I have a lot to live for. but even then, I still think about it casually sometimes. for my grandma, it is a given; she has received the deadline. and with someone dying close to you, it always immediately raises that question: what is death? although it's something we won't find out until we are on the other side.

in other news, I’ve been burning more CDs lately and it is so much fun. I love that my collection is expanding more and more. listening to music with my CD player or discman is nice and quiet and makes me happy because you use physical buttons. also, I don't get distracted on my phone by a notification I see or go on a side quest when I actually just wanted to put on a song. I don't know, CDs make me so happy.

I also have lots of DIY ideas again. they just keep piling up, but it’s just so much fun. I recently made a pair of trousers and a shoulder bag for work, out of all sorts of denim scraps. I think that’s what I’m most proud of, because it turned out so well. my other ideas will have to wait a bit though, because books are taking up most of my attention these days. it’s just so fun to read. it does give me extra guilt that I’m not using the time to write my own book, but I try to ignore that voice as much as possible.

sometimes I don't know what to think of life for a moment and it feels quite overwhelming and big in my head, but fortunately I can find peace in my hobbies. they add colour to my life.

I wrote this in dutch and then translated it to english so if some sentences are funky that's why :3 they seem more neat than when I write in english myself though. I guess it's not very strange that I can articulate myself better in my first language lol, but somehow it surpised me.

anyway, signing off and flying away in my spaceship