Blog 10 - Mother (eng/tur)

Mother take me back

Back to the times which my hands didnt use to find their ways to my dearests ears

Back to the arms and hands that didnt shake

Back to the arms and hands that handled me with care

Back to your womb mother

Take me back inside of you

Take it all back

Let the sun burn my skin once again

Under the sun thats about to explode into millions of pieces that will shatter my heart 

The sun in my eyes

The sun in your eyes

We are both blinded mother

Who am i to blame you if you cant see what i do?

I am sorry mother

I couldnt be on your side

But could you, mother, be on your side

If every simple thing reminded you of a heartache that accured after the shouting voices that ring in my head?

"Should i have killed her?"

When all i could do was to hold the door to keep the dirty prayers away from innocent minds

Could you be on your side mother?

But oh, im still on my knees

Take me back

To the laughter that used to echo through the bedroom of yours 

Because once the mistake was made

All I was craving was the sound of your fancy heels on the streets

A luggage that follows you

With the demons surrounding your brain

Taking you to hell mother

Leaving us behind

And oh I knew

I knew your footsteps wouldnt save me

So I wished for a second sound

The voice of yours

An apology 

Or even a sign of appreciation maybe

Because mother cant you hear the rain

Its the middle of the summer mother

Almost your birthday, isn't it?

Can't you hear the rain mother

In the middle of the summer

Sun shining bright 

We both cant look up

But I know you hear the rain mother

No I do not think of you as a monster

No you do not scare me

No I do not blame you

But no I do not approve you either

Im as innocent as the way I used to view you before you left me drowning mother

Im as innocent as my sister 

But you

Now

Seem as cruel as my father

So mother

Take me back, I beg

So I do not have to skip my favorite melodies to save my life 

So i can hear your humming through the liquid that runs in your womb instead of the rain mother

I ask one more time

Please, mother

Mother, take me back

When im lying down on the cold marble

In a house that isn't mine

Filled with strangers with hands colder than the floor im laying down on

All I can think of is you, mother

How you would hold me tightly

How warm you would be

How upset you'd get with the sight of a single tear rolling down my cheek

And right before it reached my neck

You'd wipe it down

You'd say its okay

I miss your voice mother

Saying I could tell you anything

Anything you say mother?

Even how you used to disgust me?

I miss your arms that you would wrap around me

Before the storm that caught us at the beach

The hands that would dress me up

And the eyes that carried jealousy in disguise 

I miss every bit of it

Every night

I cant get myself to call this house my home mother

Just like how I cant get myself to consider you more than a stranger

I dont see why you left the beach

I was still swimming, far away from the land

Your eyes looking up

Up to the sun

Where you've seen a lake, I've seen an ocean

In which you've seen me swimming with joy

I was drowning in a puddle

Wasnt I mother?

So I turned my eyes up too

Up to the sun

Where you've seen the heaven, ive seen the hell

In which you've seen angels coming to save you

All ive seen was fire

Mother my own fingers are digging holes in my own arms

My own hands are reaching up to my own head

Trying to carry the heavy weight

Lightly

My own teeth are in my own skin

My own blood is on my own mouth

Mother the blood you blessed me with

Does not taste good like you promised

It is raining again mother

The puddle is getting deeper

The beach is getting more crowded

Im easier to miss now, arent I?

In a bunch of people

Im just another one

Another stranger

Like you are to me

I cant help but remember the way this strangers body would get in contact with me

I dont know why I let this stranger get close to me

I dont know why I miss this stranger so much

Mother, oh where did you go?

I need a hand on my shoulder

Mother please

I need my head on your shoulder

Mother

Bless me again

Cast spells on me 

I know I'll find comfort in them

Sing me to sleep

Give me your hand

Let me hold it

Mother oh where did you go?

I do not seem to know anybody around me

Mother 

Have I been talking to myself all this time?

Mother did you turn holy while I was away

Did holy water turn you into something I cant comprehend?

Mother

Could I call you God?

You are the one who gave me life

And youre the one to take it away

I used to pray for you

Now mother I'll pray to you

I know you hear me

Mother

I do not know what im saying

All I want is for you to come down on earth again

And while the cold surrounds me 

And all the rocks seem to be my enemies

All I want is to feel your warmth on me

Amen

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