Thoughts I had today

Today I caught a glimpse of your pfp in my phone, I know it already sounds pathetic but I haven't been able to get it off my head since this morning, maybe writing it will help it go away, like putting it down in one place so it can stay there and not with you.

I noticed you had a shared pfp, a very cute one, I'm guessing with your new partner, it made me sad to think of you being happy. I think about you everyday, not because I want to, god knows I try everything to get you off my mind, but you're like a pest my brain can't seem to get rid off regardless of what I do or how much time goes by, I genuinely sometimes think you put a spell on me on purpose just to torture me.

Thinking of you being happy sucks, because until I saw that picture, a comforting thought I had was thinking of you being sad, the same way I am, mourning over the the loss of our friendship, I like to gaslight myself into believing that the feeling is mutual, that you're also wondering how I am, even tho we haven't spoken in months.

It's not enough that I blocked you everywhere, I need to delete your contact tonight, so that I can never ever wonder again what your pfp looks like, because then this is what happens, I start overanalyzing every aspect of it, imagining fake scenarios that consume my mind and I hate it.

I want to forget you I want to move on I want to find someone else but every word you told me in that goodbye still pierces my heart and I hate it. I wish I could hate you too, it would be so easy to paint you as the villain, but I know for a fact that the one that fucked things up was me, and as much as I want to live in make believe, that's not a lie I think I'd be able to swallow.

I'm sorry, because you made me feel like I was the worst person on earth, one that couldn't be redeemed and cause irreparable damage, and I know that wasn't your intention, so I'm sorry