Everyone at my fingertips

And nowhere to go.

This is gonna be a small little rant, but hey, that's what blogs are for right?  Not a cry for help or seeking attention, just a way to get things out.  I know I only have a few people on here but I promise it's not pointed at you...or anyone, really, just a general vent, and one a bit to long winded for Bluesky...and also not something I want out to hundreds of people.

I'm blessed in what I'm allowed to have.  The KuncavE has opened a million doors for me, I've met thousands of beautiful, gorgeous people, I've had more luck socially in VR then I ever dreamed of having, it's opened possibilities I never knew I could have, took me places I never thought I could go.  I pop on VR and am blessed with so many invites, requests, etc...more than I deserve and something so many people do deeply desire.

But I've realized, slowly over the last year or two, that while I've made half a decade of effort to give people a home, if only for a night...I don't have one anymore.

Socially, I'm both pulled in multiple directions and none at all.  I spoke with someone (who will remain nameless) who suffers some of the same issues, they spoke about the curse of people thinking you're always busy so they never reach out...and when they do reach out, you're busy.  

I was (well, am) part of a smaller community that was very much home for many years, well before the club...but its changed over time.  New people in, old faces out, people changing, time zones making it so VCs are empty most of the time I'm awake, private little sections some people hide away in just for them...I started getting on VR on Thursdays and drinking because otherwise my only other choice was to rot in my chair and watch Youtube in silence for hours and hours.

There's a good few couple groups/discords I did genuinely try to join in on.  Not as Mr. John F. Kuncave, but just their friend KunveX.  They have, for the most part, all been failures.  A lot of it comes down to time; With work, my personal life, and other aspects like time dedication to The KuncavE, I'm not around nearly as much.  New interests form without me, new injokes, new skits, new lore, new activities done together, and when I show up I'm just a visitor getting vague updates and mostly sitting on the side while that groups bond grows stronger.  It's happened a few times now.  I'm getting tired of trying.

I'm blessed in the friends I'm allowed to have.  I have a small group of people I know I can rely on, even if I do my best not to have too.  But I don't have a place to go and just be.  The idea of simply making The KuncavE and its discord my home has come up, but I am tremendously uncomfortable about making a place that would, at least in some way, be dedicated to me.  I'm in charge of the club, I have a responsibility there and do my best when its live...but when its not, I just wanna be a guy hanging out with his friends, not "the boss" you have to watch your mouth around.

I'm a fully grown adult.  I feel silly typing this, let along feeling it, but it's just tiring.  I can go anywhere, talk to anyone, get invites to all kinds of places, but I don't *belong* there.  I just miss that.  I'm just tired of sitting in silence.

It feels like I have everyone at my fingertips, and nowhere to go.