I don't want to have IRL friends.

I have a memory from when I was nine years old that won't seem to go away. After first grade, my parents decided to homeschool me and my brother. What my mother failed to realize was that she was almost completely incapable of teaching me and my brother math. Not only were we not learning what we were supposed to, we weren't socializing with other kids due to being at home all the time. When I was about nine years old, my parents put me and my brother in a program for homeschooled kids. It worked like a public school, except we didn't stay there as long, we only went on Thursdays, and the classes weren't the same. They were more like electives than classes. I'm pretty sure my mom intended on me and my brother being able to socialize more, and maybe that was the case for my brother, but not for me. All that program did was make me realize how alone I really was. I remember the very first time I felt embarrassed and insecure. I was in my art class. Because I was a very talkative kid, I was just talking, laughing, making jokes, ect... I looked around the room and for a moment, I just looked at all the other kids faces. I really looked into their eyes and all I saw was annoyance, disgust, anger, and I finally realized that I was extremely obnoxious. They hated me. It doesn't seem like that much, but that memory really stuck with me. I had finally realized how different I was from others. The other kids wanted to play gaga ball, they wanted to play baseball, they wanted to do whatever the fuck kids my age were doing. Me? I was climbing trees and hanging upside down on limbs and pretending to be a bat. Though, to this day, I don't understand what made me so unlikeable.  Just because I liked doing other things and was more talkative shouldn't have meant anything, right? Doesn't matter. I slowly discovered how to enjoy being alone over the years. I had decided that Everyone else is annoying and irritable. They don't deserve my attention at ALL. But something happened that I wish to undo. Somehow, I made friends. Like- actual fucking friends. I thought that I DIDN'T want friends, what the hell happened? I don't know how this happened, but I managed to find people who probably don't dislike me. I know, I should be happy. BUT IM NOT. I can't be happy. I don't trust them. I would rather have stayed alone. The problem is that I actually like them and I don't want to stop being friends with them. But I don't trust them. I just wanna isolate myself. Everyone I know in real life pisses me off. I DON'T NEED FRIENDS. I'm wondering if I should ghost them, but I see them every day in school (I go to a private school now.) I just wanna be alone. I deserve peace yet I can never seem to find it. Normally I'm embarrassed to post things like this on the internet, but I'm not very active on here so there is nothing to lose.