How to deal with heartbreak and friendship lost?

To get to the point I seriously just can't get over what just happened today. I broke up with my shitty boyfriend to confess my love to my best friend... And well-

I never met anyone quite like her, we met at the forth grade when she was a shy little flower that has no thrones to protect herself. I was her only company and overtime we grew inseparable.

Other than her I've had my fair share of relationships, a lot actually.. I'm quite young, I've only started highschool a few months ago and I'm on my finals. I'm stressing out over academics and my shitty boyfriend wants any help, dead weight he was. She was my go-to, my ride or die, and my escape.

Yes I describe her like this because I'm so used of seeing her in a poetic like way, cringe? whatever.

I liked her since she set my heart aflame like no other, the other people I dated were distractions as religion holds me back from confessing sooner. She was everything to me, EVERY LITTLE AND BIG THING. 

So anywayssss

I today came up to her, I've been talking about finally confessing to a girl I've loved for nearly half a decade. And she was oblivious all this time it was her, honestly she was smart enough to think it was but was too shy and humble to think so too much. 

So I gave her a gift, "You know I really like you but like I don't want this to come between us as besties...", I finally confess. My eyes were so filled of hope while my heart was beating faster than any other interaction.

But all I got was a nervous and awkward, "Uhhhhh....". Worse than any no. You know what's worse???

"Hey... As I said I don't want this to come between us like that, I still wanna stay best friends.." 

...

"I dunno...."

Was all she said, and she refused to say anything straight afterwards. 

"You know I should go..." Blah blah blah and then she left, I started to cry but like I knew I can't force her, I love her too much though so I went to the bathroom to my favorite stall and cried.

All plus the academic stress and social insecurity I already felt, I was hopeless. I honestly wish I was dead at that moment. I didn't want to be seen ever again.

Losing a guy is not too bad for me but losing a girl? Nah. Ain't a big deal.

BUT LOSING HER??? NEVER!! 

After the exam subjects for that day, I asked her how it went, she was oddly quiet and focused on others, distanced from me. It broke my heart and me. She was headed to the old playground we loved.

"Can I come?" I call out.

"Uh... Sure..." She responds.

She was usually one to wait for me. But this time she just left with her stupid fucking friend I fucking hate her guts I hate I hate I hate her.

Despite my hatred to her friends I felt nothing but numb sadness for what just happened and silently zoned out, unsure of what to do. When I finally got home, it was hell, she usually was one I'd call on the phone so I have an excuse for my parents not to hurt me. But without her I can't protect myself.

Now I'm here in bed after a sermon from my parents, I can't do anything but stare at my phone typing this since I can't type a text to her. 

Anyways, bye, I'll study stupid math.