Why I'm so performative????

I'm grown woman and I have been adult for while. But I still feel like I'm still 14 year old girl going through her bubbly life. Whenever, I think about that I just cringe and disgust with myself and I feel like way far behind in life. I still have silly things hobbies and I still like cute stuff, but whenever I try to express thing kind of things I get called "performative" or "fake". Because of that, I stop doing whatever I want to do. I understand that I shouldn't really care about what other people thought but it still effect me. I do care about everything and I have been cared about it so long but I dont want to "prove". IT IS WEIRD...

IDK mann, any suggestions to stop having that kind of feeling??