vague reflections on my summer and a footlong sandwich

it is vaguely interesting how us human treat life as a succesion of small phases or moments (maybe it's just me?). Summer, spring, winter and autumn; february to march or july to april; holidays and.... non holidays??; monday to tuesday… i could go all day long with these examples.

i think we have this unnatural desire of organization not only with ourselves, but also with the world that surrounds us. it gives us a sense of purpose, a limit, and an order to how we will address life. it gives us (or maybe it gives me) hope, too! we can start again anytime, anywhere we want, and i think this makes the understanding of life more like a lot of small bites instead of a footlong sandwich.

i like footlong sandwiches, but when i see one, the first thing that comes to my head is if i'll be able to finish it, and how bad will it be for my health (depending of the sandwich of course, my friend Mateo makes some bomb-ass sandwiches!).

For me, these small collection of days, months, seasons, semesters and phases in life act as if i would split the huge sandwich in small portions: Even if it's an illusion, you feel that you could take them without remorse or feeling guilty about it. you could treat each and every bite as a standalone experience, not as part of a package, and even find some bits tastier than the others, even if they are still the same!! hell, you could even freeze some of them and deal with them later. But if you do that, they wouldn't be as tastier as if you eat them when they need to be eaten.

I SWEAR i'm not starving, but i haven't had breakfast so that made me think about food. Probably.

anyways, my summer is getting to an end. I'm 3/4 with my bite of this moment and i don't know how to feel about it. I didn't even thinked about it, i closed my eyes and wham! only two weeks left. i've had a great time, tho. not quite what i was expecting, or planning for this time, but that's life, so so short. (quote from the song playing in the background)

i don't know man, i'm just happy to be alive. To feel and to be able to experience this much at my 20 years, it's magical when you flip off that auto-mode switch in your head.

you know, i used to think about this mundane things a lot, and i mean A LOT, back when i was in my last year of school. i was really into philosophy and literature, questioning myself, or rather trying to find me. to be honest i doubt i was able to see the reality of life and stuff mostly because i was partially living in a bubble of not having any necessity and not being able to get out of my ecosystem. i know this and i acknowledge this, but still, at the same time i feel like my path in life was clearer back then than it is now. pretty normal if you think about it, given the literal THOUSANDS of options and opportunities one gets when getting out of school.

i do not wish to be trapped in that feeling, and i want to make today mine. i believe there could possibly be a balance between the me from there, and me now, but what can it be? art, academics, experiences, i have thought about this a lot and i've had like 10 different answers, but each and every one of them involves me continuing to live, so i guess i'll do that :)

i'm happy, and i know i've wasted time now and i know this could be my last "free" summer (i've gotta tryhard medschool some more, get into hospitals and be bullied by grown-ass men with ego problems), but it was my summer after all, so fuck it, i'm grateful about it.

(mic drop) thanks for reading my yapping! not very structured but i just felt like writing some stuff, i'd love to engage with people on comments but i'm not sure how SpaceHey works honestly, so i just hope yall are good and healthy :9