Dreaming again

TW:SH
Just when I thought my mind was finally able to rest after so much, I dreamt again. My head doesn't do that unless stress is involved. Every time I dream, it means something is going on. I've had no breaking points so far, although I did dream about SH, vividly, and it felt nice, however, I recognize the risks and the futility of actually going through the whole SH process. The pain felt real, the tracing, the blood slowly bubbling out onto my thighs. And instead of feeling pain, I felt relief, in my dream? relief? It's usually just more stressing situations like getting chased down, teeth falling out, balding, things like that, but, relief? It's a weird occurrence. Obviously I am not taking this as a "signal" to go ahead and do it. 

I am not doing it, collecting gauze, patching up, changing bandages and constant care take time. Time I don't have the luxury to go through since assignments eat the time out of my hands. Even if I wanted to, I don't have the balls to break my own skin. So for the time being, disassociation is my coping tool, and drawing lines on my arms calms me down. I am afraid people will look at the lines and think Ill of me. Not that it matters what they think. 

Oh, and writing, of course, writing helps.