TW SH, ED, MENTAL HEALTH STUFF

Hello everyone! My name is Ash and I would like to talk about how my life is with Autism. I will share my symptoms and just how my brain acts in certain situations.

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I got diagnosed last year in May (I'm pretty sure). I was 15 at the time. I took some assessments and a survey about stimming, sensory, socializing, and my interests. At first, I had to take some IQ tests about math and spelling (which I did pretty bad at) then I took the survey. A week later, I think, the doctor told me I had Autism Spectrum Disorder (Level 1) meaning that I don't need much help with stuff and I'm fine on my own.

I was born AFAB so my autism was not shown much until I was older, but I still had some autism symptoms like stimming, sensory issues, and socializing problems. I was very quiet as a kid and I didn't have any friends. I found it very difficult to make friends and I felt very weird. I would copy people's behaviors to try and fit in, but that just made me more weird. Ever since I can remember, I had a stim where I would rub my hands when I was looking forward to something or if I was excited (I still do this). I would try to hide when I would rub my hands because I didn't want people to stare at me. I also was very passionate in horror (I still am). 

I also had a speech impediment in elementary school but that's not an autism thing, I just couldn't pronounce a lot of sounds. 

When I was a baby, I was a super picky eater. I would throw up if my mom would give me any food. This picky eating soon turned into ARFID, and later anorexia. I went to ERC around 8th grade and i'm still trying to recover but it's very hard ToT. ARFID is sometimes connected to autism so that's why I wanted to add that in this blog!

Around middle school, I was struggling a LOT. I was grieving from the death of my dad, I was self harming, and I had depression, anxiety, and an ed. I was very quiet and i would slowly rock back and forth to help me calm down. School was very overstimulating. the smell, brightness, and all the overlapping noises really made me anxious. I would eat in the library because I couldn't stand eating in the cafeteria. I felt like everyone was watching me and judging me and I felt very afraid. Also all the tests made me really stressed. Every time I would take a test, my hearing would go up and I could hear every detail and it stressed me out. 

My mom would also be mean to me when I would stim and it made me really upset. She's been better now that she knows more about autism but at the time she was very stressed out with being a single parent.

I also had a 504 plan for a lot of stuff like being able to leave to go to the counselor at any time, being in a quiet room during tests, and eating in a library. My 8th grade history teacher also allowed me to bring my bf to class and I was allowed to not listen. 

I remember in 6th grade, my English teacher showed us a short film about autism and I saw myself a lot in the girl in the film. 

Around 7th grade is when I started wondering about autism. My therapist actually started to tell me a lot about autism around that time too. She said that I might've had it. 

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When I get overstimulated, I don't like to answer questions. I always say I don't know or if I'm taking a test, I will guess on the question. I get overwhelmed easily with questions and that made it really hard to do well in school. I also get overwhelmed with overlapping voices. My brain likes to listen in on conversations and when there's more conversations at once, my brain gets confused and gets overwhelmed. 

With stimming, I like to rub my hands, sing songs, rock back and forth / side to side, and spin. When i'm talking about my special interests I rock side to side and rub my hands. 

Smells and Touching is a really big sensory issue of mine. The feeling of scratching paper or cardboard makes my teeth hurt. I also don't like the smell of food.

My special interests are horror, dreams, and trivia / facts! these 3 interests make me very happy and many people say I lighten up when talking about these interests!

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That's it! umm i'm bad a writing so sorry this is all over the place lol ToT