11/03/26

           first blog entry ever kinda nervous …

     this will probably talk about some serious /      personal topics so if you’re not interested you don’t need to waste your time!!

     i’ve been struggling for some time now and i’m honestly really tired of pretending everything is fine. i’m trying to get the help i need asap, but it’s taking too long… i feel so guilty about everything going on in my life, even the slightest things make me anxious nowadays and it’s making my life hard to deal with. not to mention the fact that i’ve recently lost many friends and it’s hard to get into other relationships. 

    and of course i feel like there’s something wrong with me. i mean, i’ve already been told i have depression, however it’s kind of weird how sometimes i feel comfort within feeling sad. i don’t know if it happens to anyone else, but sometimes whenever i feel lonely or desperate and then it goes away, i kind of miss it. think of it as those type of people who miss their toxic exes kind of. 

    i’m gonna try and research about it but it’s a really weird feeling. like maybe i don’t want to get better or if as i want to be stuck in the place i’m in. i’ll talk about it whenever i get access to professional help, even though when i think about it i get that feeling again, like i don’t want to progress.

     hopefully someone relates or at least understands what i mean, or maybe someone knows things related to it or that can cause it, which in that case i’d love to learn about.

          okay aiko out!!!!!!! byebye <3