im fucking miserable

this sucks, and i hate myself anf i hate everyone else. for 3 yyears i get bullied, for 3 years all i am is alone. and my mom says shes behinf me and my dad says he loves me and blah blah blah.

liars

i have my friends and im greatfull for them, but this is deeper then them, nor do i want to bother them. my mom knew i was getting bullied, that even after i switchedd schools i still got picked on. i started skipping class, grades droped. now at rock bottom, suddonly she isnt so behind me anymore. and my dad might as well not be in the picture. my moms anoyed im not doing what im supposed to, that im wasting my life away at home alone. maybe if you opened your fucking eyes mom youd realize im miserable and think of blowing my shit smooth off every night. and still you blame me, ive been begging for help, counciling, support. you name it. but it never works and i enf up alone regardless. again, yes i have my friends and girlfirennd. but its just not thier fucking problem, and when somethings not your problem you dont give a fuck. im just debating if ending it is worth it. maybe its just a phaze. but 3.5 years is a long fucking phase man. im just at a loss what to do with myself. i have no motivation for school, nothing i want to achive. i want to spend my life doing nothing and then die. i doupt that even the military would want me. i just dont know what to do anymore, i just cant "push a little further" mom. im so tired. i just wantedd to be normal, i just wanted to be human. not this monster. what do i do.