chronic loneliness

i realized this like a couple of days ago. it started when i felt a slight of happiness and support after forgetting that it exists, and it felt fucking great. after that it just made me realize how much i could have. 

for context, i don't have any close friends in my class, my best friend is a different major and can not respond to text but constantly hangout with his other friends. my online friends only exist online.

friendship now only comes when i'm at my lowest, and there is so much pain gradually eating my heart in between. 

to add more, after i talk a little about my feelings, all of them doesn't respond.

what the fuck is so wrong with me ?