I hate being a addict

I fucking hate everything, I know I sound like a addict or a spoiled kid but seriously without my iPad, I genuinely can't function. 

It's my only source of comfort in my house; I'm not allowed to have any privacy. My mom never lets me to shut my door and I have a camera in my room. Currently I'm using my laptop which is incredibly slow as fuck.

My iPad is one of the only things that is keeping me alive, I use it to call my friends and literally just distract myself from reality and stress since obviously I cant escape from it or anything.

It honestly made my life so much better, I felt so much more happier than before, maladaptive daydreaming is all that I really do. 

Plus like, last time I tried to attempt out of sadness or whatever was maybe a year ago or something like that. I do not want to go back at all, it completely comsumed tf outta me.

My iPad now has a new password so if I want to use it, she's just going to say no, and maybe its going to have a time limit or something. (I'm hoping it wont though, seriously...)

I know it sounds a lot better than not having it at all, but omfg its not going to be the same..!!

So now idk how to even cope bru I sound so pathetic, the guilt is eating me alive.

And my mom says I 'sound' sm more nicer but I've been just quiet about everything, and now I cry so much more easier it sucks.................><

But oh well, this is just a rant I made today ig, and to the ppl who know me irl, no u dont.