Inner Ramblings & Intrusive Thoughts

(I haven't typed out a blog post in many moons; let's hope I'm not too terribly out of practice.)

There isn't much I have to say that anyone reading hasn't heard before. Life is hard, a constant uphill battle with a new obstacle to overcome every day. Some of us, of course, would rather be complacent than face the harshness that awaits us in change. It's not easy to break away from routine and face the person you are...or who you've become. I have my own issues and demons that I tried to smother with a metaphorical pillow, but that did nothing but help the illness fester. Those problems were always lingering beneath the surface, no matter how much I denied them. 

Looking back, I realize there was so much more I could've done in hindsight. Handling everything on my own and independently struggling was the only way I learned how to cope. "People are unreliable and untrustworthy," is an inherent thought I always carried with me. My mindset was set to be resistant and miserable; the default was isolation. Sometimes, I still shrink back to that lonely person I was before, as a reflex to conflict and any problem that seems "too big." 

Thankfully, I have new practices and techniques to break me out of that mental whirlwind. My therapist has shifted my perspective in ways I never thought were possible, and is always encouraging me to lean on my loved ones for additional support. The friends I've made in the span of my lifetime so far are irreplaceable and have become the family I can truly rely on. A decade ago, I would've never thought this could be obtainable for myself. Now, I feel full. It's incredible how much can change and how fast the time seems to pass us by as it does. 

Now, everyone's circumstances are different. What works for me may not work for you. We all have our own specialties and quirks that make up our matter. I want to preface that I am not a mental health professional or person capable of giving anyone else life advice. This is not a blog to brag or boast; I have a long list of regrets that still keep me up at night, and I am still very much imperfect in every way. This is simply to spread hope for those who may need it. This world can be cruel, and it's understandable to cling to those darker aspects of humanity when that's what you're spoon-fed day in and day out. However, that's not all there is. It's not all completely fucked and terrible. Each of us can find our own way out. "Hopefully."

Thanks for reading, 

~ Ki