i'm so done with this boi 4 reals !!

I know I've got my ex-situationship on here but it's whatevs cuz he don't even read any of these. I'm highkey entering my healing era and self improvement era :D

I dunno why I was so stupid to stay with that walking red flag?? maybe I just like bad bois hehe but NO, I am switching up, I don't want a bad boi, I want a good boi who will treat me right and I know I can get that and I do deserve that after all the horrible men I've dated/talked to ugh! 

I'm quietly self-reflecting everything I did with so so said person...though I will not miss what we had, I'm glad to show him my type of good love even though he called me obsessive and ig that really set me back because I thought I was showing him love but I mean yeah it looked like that because he wasn't reciprocating back...0.0

After all, I'm a 16 year old girl and why should I try to date? I always do feel left out because every teenager I see at school has a bf/gf and it makes me so envious because that's what I've been yearning for since I was young. It's not like the person I'll date will be my life time long partner anyways, I should be thinking about that when I'm like in my 20's lulz. >0<

I'm so over him !! I actually realized how much he made my life so shitty and he left it like it was nothing! I don't know why I keep attracting bad men but this time going on forward, I shall respect myself and thrive to meet a green flag! He's also a really bad music snob and will judge your music taste fyi, not very great at reassurance, can't take shit seriously, and has wondering eyes. Very VERY bad and I just knew that if I was to get into a relationship with him, ohhhh it would've been so bad. And not that great either. He probably would've just have sex with me and then leave. I'm so glad I'm still a virgin!! maybe considering he has a criminal history for grape...maybe he wasn't the best option...oh the things we do for love...

Though I probably should block him by now, I still don't have the heart to. I need more convincing so then I don't feel bad for leaving him. oh ykw I just thought, that because he didn't care about leaving me, so then why should I still care? hmmm... I'll think about it. I also don't get to see him anymore because the youth center that we both met from, banned him because he wasn't a good role model and he had information about a staff's dating life and so that staff didn't feel safe with him having that information. Crazy am I right? A staff not trusting a [then] 17 y/o with their dating information. Seems like a loser. Like how are you already an adult and another adult can't trust you with personal information lmaooo. Even that should've been a red flag for me...He was a senior and almost an adult yet acted so childish, racist, and close minded. I should just list out his red flags and I don't care if he'll ever stumble upon this because all it is true red flags and he couldn't see it so lol idc. 

red flags: says the N word as a white guy, has a rumor history about S/A on MULTIPLE exes, says he want's to do better but never does better, lead me on, dated right after I stopped giving him attention, always horny, wondering eyes, music snob, egotistical, can't respect LGTQ+ people + people with special needs (despite him being autistic), delinquent (idk if this is red flag?), gets mad very easily, won't admit he's wrong, IN LOVE with goth/emo chicks despite saying he doesn't have a 'type'. 

And so, with all of this, it does make him seem like a bad person and honestly it is his fault. It's not hard being a nice person and I wish he could've been a nice person but he just wasn't the right one and I don't know when he will ever be a nice person. I'm just saying everything that happened and if what I said makes him seem like he's evil then that's on him. I'm not talking shit or anything, it's just how he is. Back in Feb? he stormed out of the youth center and blocked me and got all mad and everything because I was standing up for myself and said "How can I trust that you are sorry when you never act sorry?" and that was enough for him to push a table and leave his brother T0T. I was patient and even though I gave him a second chance, he still left. I stopped giving him attention and so he stopped talking to me. Which feels weird because we would always be on call every night talking about random stuff either about our life or what stressed us out. 

Another weird thing he said is that he had commitment issues but yet after we stopped talking, I found out he had a girlfriend already?? the audacity to commit to another women but not me? I'm sure he had an image to save, I know why he wouldn't and I'm so glad we didn't commit. I would cry if he had asked to restart again but I know that's never happening because he's an adult already. Turned 18 on Feb 16. I tagged him in my post and he didn't even give two shits to even say a simple "thanks". Like wow thank you so much for telling me how much you used me and really didn't like me like ok. gosh the whole thing is just pissing me off now because I don't understand but at the same time I do. I wanted to know how HE felt and I felt like I was never getting that because he wouldn't open up to me. I know we got vulnerable here and there but it wasn't enough I guess. After dating so many poor men, he really puts the cherry on top on how I view love today, butttt I won't bums ruin my wanting for love! I've recently raised my standards and Joe Keery is highkey the standard. Joe is too fine and he's such a cutie like I would want a man with that much ass. okay swrry getting a little awkward lmao.

So guys and girls, don't let bums get to you. Recognize the flags and have self respect. Really try to love yourself first and romanticize the idea of being single. Maybe dating is just...overrated? It feels like everyone around you is pushing you to be in one but don't. Live your own life and do it single. While we may want to feel special getting loved, it is not worth your LIFE SPAN spending it with a bum who won't give love back. This goes for men, women, they/thems, and in between because no matter the gender, it's the person who could be a real POS!! 

HEB'S OUT!!