Mental Health

"Uhh idk . I wasn't much active as many can tell... I was sick and drained and ..so tired, feeling alone and being so lonely or uh feelings so lonely and being alone? Idk. Doesn't really matter. I don't feel the best still. I am having huge struggles " 

This is what I wrote like maybe week or two and now I'm back to blogging. Updates on that from above, I had a mental breakdown shortly after writing this. Maybe even the same time after I finished writing, I do not recall. But lemme explain my mental health a bit since I can't work on any more ideas yet (I am yet to be grounded again, yes.). So basically that period, start or mid-March I stated to feel so bad and my mental health was not the best. But due to my strict parents, school, lack of time for my friends I began to get even worse and worse. Once I was finally 'ungrounded' I was finally allowed to go out and meet with my friends after I don't see them for over a month. Everything was peak, haning out, talking deep conversations and walking around a small nature park, and I was doing okay. Then suddenly I come home and for some reason I began to overthink everything and bagan feeling bad again. That feeling was stuck with me for days and days. I didn't feel well and I slowly began distancing myself, but not that bad or that noticeable, I was just not showing a  lot of interests into some stuff or activities. I wanted to talk to my friends about it but both of my only friends began struggling as well and I wanted to be there for them. I tried my best, sucked it up and put a happy face on. I like comforting them, and this time it felt like I was doing a good job at that (I usually suck at comforting sorry). After that, like always, I started thinking "no, you can't tell them how you feel, they're already going through alot, they can't deal with your shit too". Ao I kept it inside and focused on them. After a couple of days (not rlly more like 1-2) I was talking to my friend, I asked her if she's okay and she agreed and asked me. That's when I panicked a bit and didn't really know what to say. I ended up sayig "yup<3" and told them I had to go. (I went to shower). During that, I was at bit of peace, and mid-shower I began crying and sobbing. Why? I remembered "oh! Tomorrow's school, I have to deal with people" (and I mostly get bullied, provoked, picked on during school due to my different style and my introverted and shy behaviour.). I cried for like 10 minutes before washing my tears away and smiling it off. After that I told my friend that I lied and that I'll tell them everything tomorrow. Next morning (4-6AM ) I spend crying and venting but I felt much better. I talked with my friend and slowly began functioning like always. Next day I was crappy a bit and was a bit rude but I apologized to my other friend and shortly after explained why I was like that and why I said that idgaf about a monkey thingy she showed me lol. The rest of the week I spend peacefully (this happened last week) and a week latter, last Sunday - 3 days ago, I had my friends over and we talked and joked. Right now I'm doing quite okay, kids still bother me, both younger and my age but it's getting better. Today I'm meeting with my friends again to go have dinner and one of our houses. I'm glad I told them how I felt andthat thsy told me how they felt. 

The point of all of this is... When you're having mental struggles, you're not feeling your best or something is on your mind and bugging with you, you shouldn't feek ashamed or guilty to talk with your friends. It turns out to help a lot when you talk about your feeling and to open up about stuff that bothers you. It always gets better, it just needs time. Although I'm still not in the best mental state, I try to communicate with people around me, and improve myself, and I wish so for everyone else. I hope this helped and sorry for being offline a while. It was a wild week. (Something actually serious happened but I prolly shouldn't post it lol - serious in a good way). Thank you guys (2 peiple who are reading this lmao) for reading and supporting this very small blog. I love and appreciate it being read even if it 1 or 2 of my online friends. See ya soon, 

-Meow !! :3