Stop dying in my dream :(

CN death, death of a loved one, suicide

I suffer from uncontrolled daydreaming. Usually when I'm stressed or exhausted, but sometimes out of nowhere I'll have intense vivid dreams. It's like new layer of visual and audio on top of what's happening in real life. Sometimes, but not always, I'm still able to participate in reality, sometimes it'll be so intense, that I don't see, hear or comprehend anything from reality.

Today I had another daydream, and it was a nightmare. I didn't know that was possible, but apparently it is. 

Earlier today, I had a talk with a very strongly loved person. They are highly suicidal, and as of right now, I am their only solid anchor on this planet. They need professional help. 

Whenever we have this talk, I get stressed and over-run by the fear, that they don't get help, because they don't want to. Because they already decided that their days are numbered, and the number is slim.

I dreamt that they were in a hospital, laying on a bed with several machines attached to them. I held their hand, while looking at them and crying. They ended up in the hospital, because their most likely method of suicide was used on them by another person, and they survived. Barely.

So I looked at them crying, telling them how glad I am, that they survived and that soon we could get them back home into their own bed and spend some time together, watching movies, playing some games, etc. 

They replied, that they were super sorry, but they didn't want to anymore. While also looking at me crying, they asked me to leave. Suddenly the room elongated massively, and the bed got away more and more, while I was still on the same spot. They pulled off all of the machines, and the last thing I heard, before the heart beeping thingy beeped flat, was "I'm so sorry dear."

And now I'm feeling horrible and have been crying for the entire time while writing this. 

Mind you, I was brushing my teeth to go to bed. My brain couldn't even wait until I got to bed into the safety of 30.000 blankets to hit me with this scenario. I'm so pissed no joke. Stupid.

So I'm going to bed now, and I better not be having another nightmare.

Be careful out there, and stay hydrated!