Yap of the Day (7/3/26)

Hey folks!

Today was actually a full and proper day lived. It wasn't anything special, but it was so much better than the past while. I took melatonin last night to get myself to sleep at a reasonable time which meant that I managed to wake up at about 6.30am this morning. I cooked some breakfast for my boyfriend before he ran off for work, I did some cleaning, worked through formatting some stuff in my digitised media library, and then headed off to watch the football team from my home housing estate play another team near where I live now.

I've really started to get into football which is nice. It means that I can actually talk about something with my stepdad that he's interested in. He's the 'physio' (he's not qualified, they're an amateur team) for my home team so he's with them every week. I hadn't gone to watch them in like two and a half/three years. We got to have some chats while he was on the sidelines and he seemed really pleased that I showed up. He's not a super emotional guy but I know he really wants to be able to talk to me more. Anyways, we won 3-1 and it was refreshing to watch amateur football rather than professional matches because amateur games are far less predictable in terms of play style. Also, Scotland beat France in the rugby at the same time so a double win for patriotism today (this is a deeply unserious statement).

It was a really chill day and distracted me - for the most part - from my weird, shitty intrusive thoughts that have been ruining my life recently. My brain has been on self-destruct mode for ages and I'm worried it's ruining my relationship a bit. I don't actually think that it is; I just imagine that my boyfriend must find my paranoia issues overwhelming. He's a good guy and he's seen me through the worst of it a couple of years ago. I just don't want to backslide in case he can't handle it again. Today seems to have set me right a bit. I just need to keep doing things and seeing people to try and rebuild my self-esteem. I can do it. I've done it before so I don't see why I can't again.

For the rest of this evening, I'll be watching more Twin Peaks with my boyfriend and then we're heading off to sleep. Not a bad shift considering how much of a shut-in I've been for a while. I hope you're all doing well and anyone who is feeling similar to me, surround yourself with good, caring people and allow yourself to trust them. It is better to get hurt by being trusting of people who aren't overtly bad to you than it is to blow everything up when it seems too good to be true. I'm sending you all my love and well wishes.

Kisses,

Luke