I have PTSD for liking cricket.

I hate cricket. I was made fun of for supporting RCB half my life. 2016 IPL finals was the last day i would publicly associate myself with cricket. I was crying while people did not understand it was genuine pain to watch my favorite red jersey team lose after carrying the whole premier league. It sounds silly but it genuinely hurts when that stupid team loses. I am pretty sure i detached myself from watching cricket for that exact reason...to not feel that hole in my chest deepening every time I hear that they lost.

Lets go back further to idk when i was in 4th grade? I guess?? This was a time when my whole life was cricket. My family bet their asses off that I was the next MS DHONI or something. I joined a cricket academy and my narcissistic ass thought he was the best player on the field. Of course i did bro my family said I WAS THE BEST. The humbling that my coach did to me dude... Broke. My. Heart. I pushed through it but one day that fucker started giving homework and i genuinely didn't understand why a sport needs homework..i quit. My grandad was distraught my the news he tore down every picture of a famous cricketer off his walls. sorry tataiah :(

Playing cricket and watching cricket always always always made me feel bad for some reason. As much as i want to watch it...i don't because maybe it'll hurt me again? I might've completely stopped playing cricket but let me tell you something. Yesterday was 2026 T20 World Cup Semi Finals. India made a score of 250 and i decided i will fucking watch the whole thing no matter what. It was England's turn to bat now and they started hitting too. The crowd of Wankhede went silent and so did my heartbeat. I sat in my washroom for 30mins to avoid that. I was scared. Maybe yalls don't understand but its genuine PTSD. The fact that I've disappointed my family, myself, and the sport itself. I was trying to detach from it.

Then i heard my mom scream. A WICKET WAS DOWN. My ass had never gotten up faster off a toilet seat fucking hell i think i forgot to flush aksdhfjansdfjan. The last overs were going on and my heart was pounding, my hands weren't in one place and i started disco dancing every time there was a dot ball. THIS feeling...this is cricket. At the end of the day its not about winning or losing its the process and the thrill and the continuous calculations that you do in your head. I was tensed and at the edge of my seat.. ready to fall off the moment that white boi hits a boundary.

I realized my love for cricket was always there. I thought it was a cliche thing to like cricket nowadays, so i didn't specially associate myself with it. But i guess you like what you like.. right? Watching cricket with my family is one of the best things i wanna keep doing all my life. This family was made for cricket definitely.

PS India won the semis and we're off to the finals in Ahmedabad. Win or lose cricket has definitely won my love back.