December 27th, 2025

I am in pain. I feel lightheaded and I feel like my soul is looking for something, I don’t exactly know what it is. 

Today, well, yesterday, hasn’t been a great day. I’ve been waking up at ten because I don’t wish to interact with my mother. At around three in the afternoon I decided to punish myself by making me watch the Chainsaw Man movie again. It makes me cry every time. I questioned the same thing Denji thought when he watched Soldier’s Ballad, how can a simple and everyday activity in a film make me cry so much? Is it because I have a heart? Because I know the symbolism of it? The simplest of the things may have the greatest impact in one. 

Having a heart can feel like a punishment. I suppose that’s the price I have to pay for being a human.