I don’t have my own personality

Just a bit of a rant because I don’t want to tell my therapist. I’m not sure if I quite have my own personality. Yes, I have an identity, there’s media and colors and foods and all that personal preference stuff, but I don’t really have my own personality. I’m never sure if how I’m feeling is real or if I’m just putting out what I know others want. For example, I just recently got a girlfriend and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Yes, I have similar interests to her, I find her pretty and easy to talk to, but I’m not sure if I actually want a relationship. I felt extremely lonely before, but now that I actually have the relationship that I want, it’s not what I expected. I still feel empty and lonely and I feel like I’m missing someone  or something. I’m good at reading others but my own feelings are a different story. It’s extremely hard for me to explain my own feelings, even to myself, and even with that, I rarely have strong feelings. I’m also not sure if any of my feelings are real or if I’m convincing myself that they are so I can tell myself that I’m normal. I just want to understand my feelings and be whole.