quitting social media and mental health

Naghaid 17, 3052 NCE

CW: light mention of mental health, medication, depression, psychosis. 

i quit social media in the end of February, so not that long ago. It really wasn't that difficult, it was soul sucking and taking up more time than i was happy with, and I'm glad I chose to delete everything (and I mean everything: snapchat, discord, instagram, facebook, spotify, pinterest, etc etc). I use other apps now like telegram, spacehey, and I download my music (although i'd like to get a cd player or a record player in the future when i can afford it). 

At first it was sooo easy. everyone says the opposite? i think it was the reverse for me because i quit a few days before i moved, so for the past week ive just been moving, shopping, and unpacking. ive had very little time in my day that i need to fill. 

now that I have all of my stuff and im mostly settled, i have all this time. Im in a new town and all my friends are back where I used to live. im not in school right now either, and im unemployed (someone reached out to interview me though so we'll see!). I have the entire day to do... what exactly? I do some things. I go online to explore my hyperfixations (alien stage at the moment), i clean, i cook, i do puzzles. but i run out of things to do eventually. there are SO many hours in a day.

my mind is so tired. its making me realize how badly i need adhd medication. i have to spend every waking moment fighting my executive function problems. i feel so exhausted it makes me nauseous by the end of the day... i do have extremely severe adhd though so this is not new for me. 

what do i do with my time? i try looking into new hobbies here n there and everything seems super boring to my dopamine craving mind. im probably suffering from boredom induced depression, which im sure other adhders are familiar with. its important for me to stay busy because the depression can lead to dissociative/psychotic-like symptoms from my bpd though. since ive already graduated dbt and my bpd is sooooo much less severe, its more an annoyance and uncomfortable than concerning. whenever it occured in the past id scroll on instagram until it went away. cant do that anymore... its the only thing thats made me consider redownloading it, but im confident i'll adapt without any harm to my psyche. my partner keeps tabs on my health when i start to get symptoms so we can keep an eye on them and address them together. 

will probably speak to my doctor about adhd medication soon, and in the meantime ill work on using my willpower in the morning to be productive and then let myself be sluggish in the evening when i feel more tired. 

ill also probably start doing simple things like going for more walks (wish it wasnt so cold, but i can get over that), and keeping a book on my person at all times so it eliminates friction. 

~ <3