i hate the idea of living a normal life

lately ive been feeling so bored no matter how busy i am or what im doing. and ive been thinking about the future more recently and it feels so depressing, like i work so hard to maybe get the job i want then i work for 50 years and after that spend the time i have left old and not being able to do as much.

idk it feels like i was made for more than that, i really dont know how other people live their lives like this. 

im struggling to make myself feel happy because of this, everything feels empty. something is missing but i dont know what. i want to relapse but im scared that that will eventually just feel empty.

i dont normally post vents or anything like that on social media but i thought id try it. hopefully i can find people who relate :)

idk if any of that made sense