21

i know im just 20 and all that and being like this is pathetic. i know i could just get my ass up and just do it,

what's stopping you?

nothing, really. mostly, my thoughts

is that another excuse?

in my case, maybe. im deserving of many things that's messed up about me and is actually can be under my control, i gave up long ago. probably 3 years ago

what happened then?

i lost the meaning because it never had meaning from the start and i didnt know what to do afterwards

you seemed alright

i mean most of us are like this, no? we say we will do this and that when we're older but we dont know what we want, not the expectations that we try to satisfy. i mean we can find some job to do and thats pretty much it, once you work you miss out on living, once you live you miss out on money and work. as long as society exists we will never leave this circle

there's lot of ways to enjoy work but anyways, so what do you want?

i want to, i mean, i dont want anything. its better that way, no?

how come?

then i can die without regret 

talking about death again?

maybe i shouldn't, either way death is just death, i dont care. its only hard for those who's left

true. you're talking to yourself btw

i know, no one can engage in conversation with me, i also dont want to feel guilty dumping all these on anyone 

how are you feeling?

absolutely horrible, i dont wish this upon anyone else. i hate it all and surely it will be okay one day. just imagine, i cant even listen to music anymore when im out, and im forced to be with you in my head all day, and you're not nice when ur on my mind

true

i want to live thinking "im glad i didn't killed myself yesterday" 

everybody does innit 

innit mate