forever empathetic cuz ik what it's like to feel lonely while having friends

(please note that all of this is abt my so-called "friends" that ik in person. online friends are the only people that will ever understand me tbh)

if i haven't noticed that it feels like my irl friends don't like me, then that's what today feels like. no one i've met in my tiny ahh desert town has the same interests i do. when i mention genuinely ANYTHING i like, ppl usually respond with "what the fuck is that."

i've also noticed that no one actually likes hearing me talk about my interests. usually i take the hint after maybe five "dangggggs" or "oh reallys" or everyone just starts a new conversation. i fucking hate the fact that for a booksmart person, i am SLOW. my spatial awareness is terrible and i can't really learn something new verbally, someone has to show it to me.

it also feels like i'm constantly ignored. i try to get included in a conversation that sounds interesting to me, and BAM, it's as if i'm not there at all.

and since i am a strict rule follower that is VERY afraid of conflict, i got demonized today in my science class for saying to a friend "hey why are you in my assigned seat? there's a seating chart for a reason" and i get hit with "just go sit somewhere else." dude i get that you might not care about how teachers see you but i do.

sorry for the personal rant on my second ever blog post but it is what is man

xoxo rozzie