Feeling too at ease

2/3/2026

Dear Diary,

     Alright, cut to the chase, I am in the middle of locked in and locked out. I am motivated not to make the same mistakes that I did in the previous quarters, but at the same time, I am not. Since I really dislike another person in my classroom, I try not to be like her and become a better someone I used to be. A reliable one. A bit too late to do a character arc, but it's never too late, right?

     I have concluded that I don't want to stay rooted to the side of my classmates' sides and be a hardworking student as I have ever promised myself. It's the 2nd week of the last quarter, so I need to excel to make amends for my previous grades. The 3rd quarter is my weakest point: Chemistry, History, English, my native language, Statistics, Physics, Biology, and especially Math. I know I failed all those subjects, but now, I will work harder than before.

     Even if my teacher in my native language's subject doesn't say much about me, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed for her because of my grades. She only knows my grades there, and I want to prove to her that I can do it. 

     My Math teacher showed doubts about me throughout the school year because of my performance in class. Constantly asking me if I want to continue studying. Are you okay? Why would I give up my future? This school is my future and my cheat code to entering college. Colleges will accept students from my school more easily because of the popularity of the smarts my school has. And you guess that I want to throw my life away? Sure buddy. I may be severely depressed to the point that my suicidal tendencies came back after Grade 7, but what? Even if I already have a failing grade 2 times by now (if my project didn't save me), I will still stand up. I will prove you wrong.

     My Statistics teacher, you're good. It's mostly my fault and the leader's fault. But I promise you, sir. I will urge our leader not to procrastinate. That's also the reason why even if it's early, I'm trying to finish everything I can so as not get drowned by schoolwork later in the quarter. I am sorry to my group mates if I'm being pushy, but at least from listening to what they're saying and following them without question, I can finally catch up to them and contribute more freely.

     My Chemistry teacher, you're too good for me. I'm so happy that you cheer me up, even if I apologize to you in advance because of my disappointing scores. But this time, I will understand the lesson more completely and give more time to the subject.

     My English teacher, my comprehension skills sucks so bad, it sucks like finding out Edgar Allan Poe married his cousin. 

     My History teacher, oh, I hate you. I'm going to be a good group mate, not only because I don't want to lose my best friend, Killy, but also because I won't have to barely pass the exams this subject has. No bonuses sucks, yes. But this will be my time to rise like I did in Grade 7. I was a star at making essays in both my native language and English back in the day. So why not go to my prime again? I will also recite more to help ease the tension whenever you are moody, like you're in your period, even if you're a guy.

     My Physics teacher, another angel sent from a hell-driven subject. I still don't understand after inclined planes, but hey, I will do my best to make you proud. Please don't go somewhere else and put a substitute teacher to take over our class. The substitute teachers are unnecessarily scary and strict. I don't understand how other sections like them. I mean, I only greet teachers when I like them...

     My Biology teacher, please avoid using a mic. 

     Now that I've made my promises, I hope I stick to them and stay motivated. If everything goes south, then I'll beg for mercy to any higher power to miraculously save me. I also vowed to myself that if I fail to meet the expectations I put towards myself, I will cut the months of hard work of maintaining my long hair to a pixie cut that will not suit me.

Sincerely, 

Seihime