The price for my birth was 21 lives

I'm sure by now you dear reader know Iran is at war with the us and isreal.. and guess who's the middle of all of this? Me. Yesterday the us bombed a militias small camp in my province and it hit me.. that could happen to me. being a civilian in this war gotta be the worst feeling, the day before yesterday isreal bombed a girls only elementary school in Iran causing the death of 40~ little girl.. tonight they've bombed a hospital in iran forcing staff to move out the newborns outside of the hospital because of isreals threats.

I am so familiar with war yet so unfamiliar. In fact, the exact day i was born in happened to be the e exact same date a detonated bomb went off and killed 21~ and injuring 68 people who were volunteering to join the police. I've known war and suffering before i could even develope consciousness.

While growing up, I remember seeing an american vehicle patrolling around my hometown and I'd chase them with other childern -6yo- and they used to throw us footballs and chocolate boxes getting us so happy not knowing those soldiers were my oppressors.

during my early teenage years i recall hearing about i$i$ and other groups and listen to the news on our television at 9pm at a Saturday night -end of weekend here- as i put my head on the ground to fall asleep but the news about these monsters kept me awake thinking and stressing then asking my mom "mama will they come for us" and she'd put my head on her thigh and say "no this is just the news" in a joking manner to comfort me, i trusted her and fell asleep peacefully on her thigh.

during my middle teen years i decided to not gaf about i$i$ and live my life and had they come, I'd kick their butts. i burnt through my 12-14ys watching Minecraft videos and obsessing over Slugterra and ben 10 and playing block strike at 4am and having my father scolding me for staying up so late.. or I'd spend Ramadan nights chatting with randoms on My little empire (2?) global and private chat.

and now.. im 21.. 21 years since the american invasion, early teens paranoia of i$i$ has shifted to being randomly bombed. and this time mom is no longer hiding her fear.

I don't want to die so early, I keep discovering new things i didn't use to know, i still haven't finished all persona games, or listened to all of Kanye's music, or finish mh4u.. I've yet to finish a history book.. yet to graduate.. yet to find my woman.. yet to grow up old and shout at kids playing loudly outside my house.. yet to show my parents their grandchildren.. yet to travel to Mongolia like i planned one time.. yet to learn german or japanese.. yet to finish the jjba p8 volume 1 that I've bought and planned to read in the summer.. maybe i won't live till the summer? maybe i wouldn't have my friends who'd always mock my taste in music.. maybe they wouldn't live until summer. summer seems as far away now as the east to the west. I wish things weren't this way. I really, really do.