Ultraviolence.

I am currently listening to Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey while I write this. I have an exam tomorrow, I haven’t studied. I promised myself I would study, but I couldn’t find time to. Or maybe I did, and I was just too lazy and pathetic to get up and actually do it. I used to be so productive, what happened to me? I love excuses, I love skipping school, sleeping in, but I hate the mess in my room, the mess in my head. It overstimulates me, so I isolate, I can’t stop having these isolation periods, most of my friends can’t stand them, but they don’t know that I struggle, they don’t know how horrible I feel about myself… I can’t tell them.. I can’t bring myself to. I am an attention seeker to them, I am the  greedy selfish girl talk about, at least that’s what I believe. They will not quit calling me it, I love gossip, but I hate when it returns, I love drama, but I hate when there’s consequences, I am a hypocrite.