so… i’m a boss.

sunday, mar 1st ‘26 @ 4:42pm

ever since i was a little girl, i’ve been a conniving narcissistic manipulator. cold open, i know. 

i’ve come to realize that i see people as ladders to use to get what i want and when it’s not in use, i’ll kick it so easily to the side like it never mattered in the first place. 

i’m quite fortunate in a way, that people around me naturally feel the need to service me and provide me with what i want in the drop of a hat.

it’s because i was blessed to have been born with a sweet face and small stature. it’s like wanting to give a cute puppy a treat even though they just bit your hand a minute ago. 

A is moving away. i’m upset, but since he’s a guy and i’m a girl i can’t necessarily react the way i want to without it coming off as a clingy girl who has a secret thing for him. 

which i don’t, i can’t.. there’s no way i do, i mean i could… just not right now. 

anyway. 

i tried manipulating him to stay, my approach quite strong since i feel threatened. it didn’t end up working and he is officially moving an hour away this month.

the way i really want to react is don’t go, i need you here you can’t leave me. which actually translates to i need you to stay so i can use you for my own benefit. 

i also worry that once he’s away, he’ll lose interest in me or find someone far more interesting. i do fear the day he actually gets a girlfriend because then i’ll never get the same treatment as i do now, she will.

i’ve already wormed my way deep into his life, i’ve been to a dinner with his family before. his sister likes me, as well as the rest of his family. hell, even his thick skulled uncle finds me charming and seems to accept me as apart of the family.

i don’t feel this way about my best friend P because i already have them wrapped around my finger and i’ve nestled my presence into their life like a worm in a slowly rotting apple. even if P were to get into a relationship, i know their partner would never be put above me.

as i’m writing this, i’m realizing maybe i do have abandonment issues and that i just handle them a lot differently than others. 

am i the drama? teehee.