A penny for my thoughts?

Do you ever feel this sense of...hopelessness? Like no matter what you do, it seems the cycle remains the same and your choices, no matter how different they are, lead to outcomes that feel similar? You lose people who you cherish but people say you'll meet better ones, only to lose them too. Isn't it confusing? If this cycle continues then who is the better they speak of? You feel pain but people say its to make the better times feel worthwhile, to know pain is to cherish happiness. But if this cycle continues, pain to good to pain again, would i even be able to enjoy the better times whilst knowing pain is what comes next?

Its contradictory, overtime, you will get used to this cycle. Law of diminishing marginal utility, a concept i have learnt in economics. The more you consume a good, the less satisfied you'll be. The first slice of pizza when you're starving is heavenly, the 5th slice is exhausting. The more i think of this, the more it aligns with real life, the way we feel happiness the first few times in our lives to now, where we are too anxious of the bad times looming over us to even enjoy the present...how saddening.

I wish to break out of this cycle yet i am merely human, weak and affected by my surroundings.

Even so, the charade must go on. Fake it till you make it is a line i have taken to heart my whole life, it may seem negative or foolish but ultimately you must realize that hope is imaginary. Esse est percipi. If hope is not perceived, it does not exist. As such, even if it doesn't come genuinely, if one thinks of hope, it will exist. People that pretend are keeping this hope alive, as edgy as it seems. This is why i believe people bring things upon themselves, if you believe in negativity then that is your finale, if you look towards hope then you will be graced with it.

The cycle of pain and suffering, rewarded with happiness and peace, is it a loop? Will we have to live the present and forget all else to find comfort in the strings or is there a way to break it? Perhaps one day, I'll find my happy ending, out of all the multiple endings this game called life may have for me, i continue to hope for the best one.