Swan's Post #4 : Future

I wonder where I'll be in the future, as of the moment I am just sitting here writing nonsensical things and or having a crisis over useless things. I hope the future me is a lot more hopeful than I, I honestly believe the future holds nothing too important for me. I feel like all of my dreams are somewhat crushed most of the time, you get killed for dreaming it feels like. When all is lost, I sit there, wishing it'll just magically get better? That doesn't work obviously, I need to work on me like most others but I when I feel happy it has a huge curve. I remember once I was at an event for my birthday, surrounded by people and I still felt alone and empty. On the rare occasion I enjoy something, my brain just goes "No, this can't be." then turns off my emotions to be nothing more than an empty hall. The corridors in my head are in a constant state of panic almost trying to keep things under control and like the Titanic, it's an overreaction that sets me up to fail.