should existence be chaotic?

sometimes i wonder if existence is meant to be this messy, this chaotic. if there is a purpose behind why we exist, shouldn't everything run in an orderly manner? would my day be ruined by the simple act of forgetting to bring my tablet to school today, or smudging my makeup after crying when someone is leaving my life? i had believed in the idea of little things making up each step you take in the day, the path you take going forward. if i took the right escalator up the train station, my day could go entirely differently, or specifically unplanned. but now, i don't want to believe it. i want to let life be, my existence to run like a river, flow into the ultimate purpose that i have. 

when philosophers talk about our existence, they don't really talk about the paths that we could take, the ways our day could change from little details. to me, that really changes how i see my existence, and my purpose in living out every day. because what's the point in living when you don't make sure everything you do fits your ultimate purpose, your life goal? 

but the truth is, we don't really know what our ultimate goal is after all, do we? so why try to limit yourself to so much restriction and order? don't give yourself so much worry and stress, about something you're unclear of. assuming we all have a purpose in existence, we must realise that life will flow in different streams that all reach the same ocean. no matter what happens today, you will get there. 

this is something i thought of, and it is easier said than done. but if it was easy, it wouldn't make life meaningful. chaos, messiness, complication, these are things that make life tasteful, that make life filled with human essence. without these, life would be bland. n

so yeah. i think existing should be chaotic, even if it isn't meant to be. :).