Hurt & Heal

A little vent about a personal situation

I don't really know if the people in my friend group realize how much he hurt me.

There were nights that I needed him, where I confided in him to be there and he wasn't. He chose you guys over a girl crying in her bed when the weight of the world was crushing her.

I would share things and never got anything back. He lusted over my body but would never outwardly show it to me.

Instead, made he made me feel like I did the wrong thing, willingly buy food and never said it was a problem but will tell other people that it was.

In ways, I hated him. How he would burp without saying excuse me while on the phone, how out o toon his singing voice was, how he prioritized his goals over me.

Still supported him though; kinda like how in movies wives secretly hated their husbands.

Then came Halloween, the day after my birthday. I was told we would spend time together on my birthday but instead he sent me $10 and sent me walking. On Halloween I was drunk (DONT UNDERAGE DRINK GUYS) and I some wild things wild under the influence but that once night, I was paid attention to and things slipped out, bullshit reasons to absences and such.

In the end, I was fed up and posted a note on my instagram and the colors came into the prism.

He talked down to me like I was nothing, using words that I've never had to use before. I felt small and still tired. He broke up with me that day and I tried to be civil for the group which didn't work out.

I'm still trying to heal and even with the fear for the next girl to through the things I did.

I feel very strongly about this situation and they're tired of me talking about it. Secretly, I am too.