Is it better to speak or to die? - 26/02/26

The line itself presents itself as simple as possible, to be vulnerable or to keep your pride in silence? I take it as to speak is to defend your pride and silence as a way of defeat of your dignity, letting in your partner.

     When we speak, we scream words of hatred and death will keep our peace. For so much in our minds, I am scared for when we have to speak our thoughts. As much as I wish to die, I am not built for silence. As inevitable death is, words are for me. Silence is a way of analysis. I find humans to be simple and repetitive. We use our bodies to comfort ourselves, not each other. Our words to defend ourselves. Our eyes to observe. Our faces for vulnerability.

     During my first kiss, I had started shaking and lying through my teeth. Our faces, intimately close, became an issue, very quickly. That vulnerability was something I was not used to, and I find it easier to lie through the gaps for self preservation.

     We wipe our tears to stop others from feeling upset, as if we let them, we feel upset. That's the beauty of selfishness, it often is blurred with love. Sometimes we speak from guilt, to do what I suppose has the same effect as physical attention. To me, guilt is a sin. Vulnerability, guilt, drought, and love are sins in my book. Lust, observing, boredom, and sickness are g-dly things in my mind. Envy and anger included. As inevitable speaking and death are, having both is a sin of its own in the big book. Is it "better" to speak or to die?

- eboiszm