Sad the second (kinda long)

We all have things we want!!! And what I wantare some fucking FRIENDS bro. I wish I could  genuinely talk to someone irl that wasn't my little sisters or my parents. I rely so much on my devices because they're my only form of connection with people. I wish my mom put me back into fucking school. I keep telling her I NEED connection and I'm lonely as shit. She keeps telling me to go outside more but says I don't need friends. I'm not gonna go outside by myself and like stare at flowers or something??? Genuinely there's nothing to do out there cause my parents don't let me go anywhere. I want to get back into skating but I'm bad at it and there's so many people that could see me fall off my board and that's scary to think about. I'm such a stupid fucking pussy. I can't do anything. I can't play guitar. I can't draw. I can't write. I can't skateboard. I can't even play fucking video games. I'm good for nothing. I should just end it at this point man. I have no skills all I do is wallow in my self pity instead of fixing things. I want someone to notice and then I play it down when they do. I hate everyone and everything. People say "just practice" but if I'm not instantly good at something it just makes me feel horrible. I TRIED to practice guitar but it sounded so bad I genuinely just gave up cause I couldn't stand it. my art isn't even good. I can't write for shit. Fucking games scare me now. I'm not good at games, especially competitive ones. Everytime anyone slightly criticizing anything I do, including my playstyle, I genuinely start spiraling. Aren't games meant to be relaxing? If someone criticizes my art, my gameplay, the way I play guitar, the way I write, or anything I do I instantly feel like ending everything. I can't participate in any hobbies because of this. I don't want to do anything. Everytime I pick up a pencil all I think about is everything anyone has ever said about my art. I'm so pathetic. Even joking teasing from my friends makes me feel horrible. I never say anything though, cause of course I fucking don't. A simple "dude you're so bad at this game" makes me wanna throw up in embarrassment. I hate myself.