i want to know that its wrong.

i don't know how to feel anymore. i think im scared, which is hard to admit. im worried and i feel like maybe things won't ever go back to normal. i feel like im losing him, again. and maybe i am, but i dont know how i could have prevented it. maybe if i was there. i keep thinking that maybe if i just talked to him that day that maybe i would have more insight, or maybe he would be here right now. im angry, but i dont think its because of him. i don't blame him. i dont blame him at all. and i think maybe he knows how i feel, he always does, but i dont want to feel that way, and i dont want things to go in that direction, and maybe they dont have to. but i dont know how to fix it and make it better when its like hes gone and never coming back. i dont know how long its supposed to go on before it becomes real.

15 days, 360 hours, 21,600 minutes, 1,296,000 seconds.

and you, you can be mean. and i, i'll drink all the time.