I feel both nothing and everything

i know I definitely feel some type of emotions I find myself happy sometimes but I can never remember being happy whenever I fall into my depression (?) if you wanna call it that...

I always end up just being in my room listening to music while regretting the decisions I've made over the last year and just wishing everything was different. Like I said I can acknowledge that I'm happy sometimes and that I'm able to have a good time but it feels so weird like I'm having fun but I would rather just be alone but if I'm alone I just end up getting all weird with my emotions. I just wanna cry, but I have nothing to cry about

please tell me I'm not just insane and this is normal