rant

you can say perhaps tomorrow like i can actually leave my room tomorrow for enough time so we can hang out. thats not going to happen. not unless i get lucky and you are awake at 3am im sorry im a bad friend sometimes i think about not talking to you or anyone for that matter, im done with all the drama and energy it takes to talk to people. but then when im alone its just really quiet and sometimes i just need to talk to someone. nobody survives this life alone, i know that. but i can still think, you know? i dont know. i wish i was as extroverted as i used to be but he wont message me back and she doesnt tell me things first anymore. i gained and lost a friend within not even a year and i cant keep conversations with 3 different people at once anymore. now even reaching out to one person is exhausting. even leaving my room is hard. it takes me like 20 minutes. ive stopped liking being awake early in the morning and started sleeping in. its reminding me of 6th grade. i miss last year. honestly any year before last summer i miss. i dont know why i seem more effected than everyone else. maybe im just too dramatic, i dont know. maybe i was the only one who heard that. its the 7th month anniversary tomorrow of my dogs death and i keep replaying the morning and the three weeks before. now im sitting here writing this and i have the letter next to me. it doesnt make me happy anymore. im still trying to stay positive like you told me to but its been hard. especially since october and july.