what the hell just happened

i downed a handful of ibuprofen last night trying to get high off of it. my bum ass didnt know that it was impossible to get high on ibuprofen, and that an amount like that would make me overdose. 

so i got really scared and i text my best friend and shes saying all this shit like "go to the doctor" and "stay awake" and that stuff was really ominous. but im glad she was there. 

i call poison control, and this nice lady named lily answers. she tells me i need to tell my dad, though. and im like helllll no. and shes says "hes gonna find out either way". so that made me really believe i was gonna die. 

and now my dad's yelling, and calling my mom, and i traumatized my 11 year old sister, and im getting rushed to the car, and really all i was trying to do is get high. but my parents are asking me why i took the pills, what my problem was, if i was depressed and all that sort of thing. 

and the doctors are the same way!! im in urgent care, right, and ive got this woman staring my soul down and asking me if i needed help, if anything was wrong at school. and then all the nurses huddle up around me and ask me a billion questions more. and i dont answer any of them because what the fuck

they take my blood. i hate needles, so much. plus i was already sort of nauseous and the blood made it worse. so i start gagging and shit, but i dont actually throw up, and it would have been the grossest thing ever, if not for what happened next. 

they stick a plastic tube up my NOSE and down my THROAT into my STOMACH. and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. it made me gag so much, but i didnt manage to throw up yet. 

i ended up finally throwing up though, which i think was the point. they were putting some weird liquid up the tube, then sucking whatever contents were in my stomach out through the tube. i could see my dinner come up. it sucked donkey balls.

then they put this black liquid up the tube, which they called carbon. they had to refill it every 20 ish minutes though, like three times. and it was very annoying, because i didnt have anything to do besides sit with my thoughts in between refills. i had even brought a book with me, but for some dumb reason i figured to leave it in the car. so i was bored. and sad. and i really didnt wanna think about any of what was happening right then. but obviously i had no other choice. i started seeing how long i could hold my breathe. my record is 1 minute and 14 seconds. i couldve probably held it longer, but i thought it mightve been a bad idea to try, cause i was hooked up to an IV and the tube was still up my nose and i didnt know if the ibuprofen had been neutralized or whatever was meant to happen to it, and i didnt wanna accidently fall asleep either. anyway

my dad had gone to the car to get my book. but he took ages, so i figured he had gone home to get me some stuff, cause they said i was to stay overnight. i thought he could've found my cigarettes in my bag, but he didnt luckily. 

he comes back and brought me my book, finally. and my stuffed toy from when i was a kid. which was sweet 

anyway. the rest of the night was typical, boring, wtv. and i dont feel like continuing. but yeah. i feel like i should be more shaken up by the whole thing, but i feel normal. like. that was a normal occurrence. i dont even feel like it happened to me. 

it was weird though, cause just this morning i was talking with my dad as he drove me and my sister to school. and he was saying like "your mom's young" and i was like "funny. no shes not, shes 50" and hes like 

"whats young then?" 

and i said "below 30, anything up to 80 is average."

"whats after 80 then"

"dead"

"so, your grandfather is dead then, thats what youre saying"

"hes 79, so. no. either way, im just saying 80 above is really old, ok"

"yeah, youll get there someday"

"you dont know that. dont say that, cause you dont know"

and then it was quiet for the rest of the way to school.