Wish I had the decency.

I hate being so needy. I just wanted a safe space with my mother, since my father was never around for such a request. Couldn't have that with her, didn't have that with anyone. I feel wrong for wanting to be understood, but what is there to understand with me?

Nothing. Other than deep down, I see no point in healing. I see no point in love, I can't even love myself, I don't see myself as loveable. I don't want help. And yet, I don't want to be alone.

And for this, for all the trouble i recognize from this mindset.

I wish I had the decency to end it all.