The awkward being

Will it save me? It won't, mi identy has its own problems besides my minds, but i think if i were free to be i would feel fucking better. I hate being a woman, i already talk abt this before here, everyone would be uncomfortable or hate me if i became a man, but also, everyone knows im not a woman. I know it. I can feel how they look at me every comment or action I made that reminds them what am I, what am I hiding beneath the mask of being a masculine woman.

I keep saying I use she/he. I use them freely even if im with my family, but i mostly use he. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that i exist to everyone and not just myself.

I cut my hair again, the little length i had, gone. I look more masculine. 

I forced myself to believe that im not a man, that i was just feeling ugly, like my mother said. But it's been 8 years, thousands of styles and a lot of self-experimenting, and I still feel "ugly". Even other people will say i look like a man, and I would cry about it cuz, I wasn't trying to look like one

I would love to be a man, being perceived as one. I wish they didn't raised me to keep everything i feel inside, to be quiet, calm, kind and selfless. 

I wish i was like my brother, loud, selfish, taking whatever he wants without thinking about other people feeling

I'm probably just depressed, but the way i feel about my gender definitely affects it too and it's a matter separately 

Anyways

I wish I was a femboy

That would be cool