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I have a theory I like to jokingly indulge in with my friends- I think that the reason that Gen Z is statistically having less sex than other generations can be summed up by asking one simple question:
If you had a clone, would you have sex with it?
When I ask this question at parties, I'm always surprised by the number of people who deny that they would have sex with themselves... After all, if you wouldn't fuck yourself, how can you expect others to?
But really, I think this is indicative of a huge problem that we hold nowadays. A generation seemingly eaten up by self loathing, social isolation and therefore a bizarre tendency to err on prudishness, is there any wonder we're sex averse? The attitude that fuels the rejection of our clones is not isolated !! This rejection of connection to oneself is SO tangible, I can smell it on people before they even answer me ! People can tell that you don't like yourself, and if you cannot regard yourself positively, why would they ?
I myself have always answered, that yes, of course I would have sex with myself. I give the reasons: I have a healthy self-possession, I am curious and willing to try new things*, and would know exactly what I wanted, considering I would be interacting with myself. However, I question this. For someone so convinced of my peers' social failings, can I be so rigorously harsh with them when I myself am notoriously unaware of my own desires?
I criticise people for being too scared, too insular when interacting with others socially and romantically. But what if what I do is worse? I get along with people easily, have a very connected life. But I have no clue what I want with people. I lead myself into these relationships with people, and then realise that maybe I don't want this at all. I get too caught up in the thrill of charming someone, making them want me, and then it bleeds away and I'm left holding something I'm not sure I want anymore. Can I be so sure that I would have sex with my clone? Or would I get through the seduction, and both of us realise that we don't truly want this, have committed to something we feel completely sterile about?
I don't know what's more pathetic: to be someone too scared to try, too bogged down to take out and grasp what they so desperately want, or, to have the tools that are so barren in others that allow you to have all of this, and then be so disconnected from yourself and your desires that these skills are wasted on you. I know I feel small in the face of my peers who won't interact with romance or friendships like I do, who hold a level of pragmatism that I do not, and therefore seem to be untouched by the childishness of fickleness. I feel ridiculous and like someone to be dismissed- Others like me must feel this too.
I'm not really sure how to fix either of us, the clone-rejectors or seducers. Any ideas on how to properly understand what you want? Am I missing something important? Getting over this huge social isolation seems to be the answer for the C-R, but what about for the C-S? What do I do to stop getting myself into these situations? I truly cannot tell what I want. I don't lead myself or others on purposefully- I truly believe I want what I want until I have. Any thoughts? Caveats to my dumb theory on clones, advice for getting in touch with knowing what you truly want etc/. are deeply encouraged !
*(another thing I think generationally, we are too in our own heads about. We are so so self conscious, socially isolated and inept ! and as a result entirely resistant to independence, so so scared of fucking up infront of an audience).
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aljules333
also, you shouldnt feel small in comparison to your more pragmatic friends (me). i feel cold and calloused in comparison to you, i actually feel very guilty often because i dont have the empathetic softness that you do. being pragmatic isnt necessarily a virtue. feeling passionately will always be a virtue.
pragmatism is an incredibly important virtue, the ability to keep yourself in check and maintain a distance when engaging with things like relationships must be hugely rewarding (to a degree, like all things, of course). stops you from hurling yourself into emotionally tumultuous environments headfirst like an idiot, nd then having to attempt to untangle yourself from the vines of over-investment.
by ! roo !; ; Report
i dont find it rewarding, i find it isolating and alienating. especially from other women .
plus, your impulsivity and emotional openness opens you up to experience - sure, many of your experiences over the past few years have been painful, but fuck have you lived! i close myself off to dodgy situations, and thus i dont experience.
by aljules333; ; Report
aljules333
im not sure that the ?aimless? way that you flirt with people is rooted in any kind of flaw, i think its a kind of benevolent, healthy, and necessary narcissism (and inevitable, someone with your fabulous personality could not escape it) that makes life fun. you can always entertain yourself and have fun with others because your own charming, your own jokes, your own flirting is the fun of it, even when they may be incredibly dull. i think it could be impulsiveness that makes it difficult for you. taking more time with people before plunging into the deep end to truly understand them and understand what you want with them may help you.
for example with the situation with he-who-must-not-be-named, obv you had A LOT of time to truly understand him, and im sure that you really did. but if you had taken more time after christmas to spend time with him casually, and then maybe flirt and charm again slowly, allowing intervals between these interactions to reflect on how they made you feel - was it him, his manipulation, or your own charm that made you feel special?, etc. - then some of the things that transpired may have not.
just an idea, im not really sure. i think theres a healthy middle ground to be found somewhere between my absolute frigid prudishness and your flirtatious impulsivity.
i really see what u mean with this, i'm going to try and take this on board. i think i feel like even if i take it slow though, i'm committed to someone. i feel like even now with S, i couldn't back out if i wanted to. is this impulsiveness or the desire to please other people? do i find that when people want me, i so badly don't want to disappoint them that i con myself into believing i truly want them? how do i get over the fear and aversion to disappointing people. and the avoidance of losing connection, no matter how imperative the loss of that connection may be !!
by ! roo !; ; Report
i think that, like most things, its a matter of practice.
letting people down is fucking hard. making people sad is fucking hard. it will never feel okay, guilt is something we all must carry. even i, brimstone-heart-alice, struggle with acting selfishly sometimes (as we know with Z).
what holds you back probably isnt guilt, its fear. and fear CAN be conquered! exposure therapy!!!! the only way to stop people pleasing is to practice putting yourself first. i think you've been doing a lot better recently tbh.
i also think that if youre recognising these patterns as people pleasing, thats probably a huge step in stopping. now youll be able to take a step back from things and ask yourself "why am i doing this? am i people pleasing?"
with S, you absolutely could and should step away if you wanted to. none of your friends (the ones who's opinions matter anyway) would judge you for putting yourself first, and shes a grown woman, she'd live.
by aljules333; ; Report
love u millions squillions, viscount stinker. a large part of me trying to be better is considering what you'd do, or how you'd react to me telling u what i have done. i wouldn't be doing so well without you to guide me !!
by ! roo !; ; Report
<3333
by aljules333; ; Report
aljules333
a new addition the many reasons ive previously given for my "no" answer: sex with myself would be terrible. blind leading the blind.
very fair reason to say no, but surely you would be understanding of your own inexperience and take it as an opportunity to learn? if not, is it a lack of patience or general distaste for your own inexperience? what does that mean for ur perception of yourself, yk?
by ! roo !; ; Report
bad things. but its not a lack of patience or unwillingness to learn, more so i think id be on edge and shed be on edge and we'd make each other more on edge and it wouldnt be enjoyable for either party.
also im not sure that not finding yourself attractive is necessarily a bad thing. for example, butch lesbians who are only into fems, or vice versa. or alternative girls who only date normal looking guys.
by aljules333; ; Report
i'm not attracted to myself, i don't think you need to be. but sometimes sex isn't super about attraction, or at least i've often found the sex i've had hasn't been based on attraction for me. i find i'll engage in it to let someone feel close to me, or for me to feel close to them. so i suppose i view the clone seduction as a practise in personal reconnection?
by ! roo !; ; Report
i think we just have different opinions on what purposes we personally want to have sex for and who we would want to have sex with. im not really interested in having sex with someone that im not in a somewhat committed romantic relationship with! and im not going to enter a romantic relationship with my clone i dont think.
by aljules333; ; Report
HAHAHA hmm... yes, i didn't peg u as an autophile. i'm not sure i'm a big fan of the way i conduct my sex life anyway, so maybe have to rethink that and therefore my position on the clone question/ theory... big things happening tonight.
by ! roo !; ; Report
whatever fulfills you bae. i think you need to act more selfishly on this, have sex with who YOU want to have sex with, not just people who want to have sex with u yk?
by aljules333; ; Report
year of the horse !!! it's time to get more selfish, in the hoofsteps of our lusciously maned mentors...
by ! roo !; ; Report
neigh!
by aljules333; ; Report