weekly check-in #2

OK i've decided to do these check-ins on my blog instead cos if i only post blogs that r lke.. "special enough" i wont ever post them?,,, maybe.. lolidk i might change my mind again.

anyway this week has been a little rough i've had a few bouts with intense anxiety and depressive down days which usually happen as a result cause i get very like paralyzed by the anxiety and then can't get myself to do anything.

I think being at home so much and not really being able to go out much, plus a lack of a support system has made me very vulnerable to these short-term breaks in mental health as they kindof come from a longer state of basically just holding it together and being on a thin string.

the past year has probably been one of the hardest i've ever had and i've lost a lot of my core supports, and am currently in a kindof limbo when it comes to my future cus a lot of it is very undecided and uncertain.

it's hard to maintain day-to-day when your long term is unsettled, but it's easier to rest in it if you settle your day-to-day and week-to-week i think. 

i've got an interview sort of thing next week with a curator for the museum on Thursday, and i'm really looking forward to that. if it goes through well and i figure out some sort of position for her, that'll give me a lot more structure in my week and something to do instead of feeling aimless.

other than that, if that doesn't work out i've been passively considering working in a retirement home environment or something similar. a lot of those people don't have people to visit them and are really lonely!! but they have so much to share with the world and I think a lot of people, young people especially, tend to write elders off as crazy or etc when they're people too and they are really interesting and need company too!!!

as someone who struggles a little bit socially as well due to being neurodivergent, older people are  very comforting because they are a lot slower to judge and they themselves come into their irregularities and aren't as critical for social missteps, because they've been through life nd those things don't really matter to them anymore ...

anyway, in terms of my general life,, i need to make sure i'm eating consistently, and moving more consistently bc it keeps my spirits up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i've also gotten some new knitting patterns and yarn so hopefully i'll get to start on those, rn i'm working on a dishrag/tea towel cos they're so useful genuinely and it's fun to make them :)... oh i also have been taking my medicine (stimulants for ADHD) on/off because i feel like it helps me to get more things done but it also exacerbates anxiety and irritability so idk how to feel about them

oh yea and last week I said i'd be playing RE2, which i have been but i haven't made it out of the police station yet, O has been out of town over the weekend and he watches me play so i haven't made as much progress as quickly as i did with SH2. SH2 was probably one of the best games i've ever played but RE2 is neat so far, though I don't find myself very interested with the characters/story, hopefully more engaging as it goes... i kindof want leon and claire to be bffs and kiss but thats based on 1 cutscene so idk. I'm playing the remake which does look really good but im such a sucker for the shitbox and awful controls of older games (like SH2, i played the original) it has such a charm!!!!