feb 23: fatigue is one hell of a b word

i decided it was about time i started using this website after making an account 2 months ago and promptly letting it rot because i was too intimidated to start blogging again. i miss it, actually. i was an avid tumblr user the past 3 years but for some unknown reason i literally just... stopped using it and for a few months now i've been longing for a place to just yap with no consequences (as if i don't do that irl already, lmfao)

anyways, let's see. today was an interesting day, all things considered. last night i finally finished the kdrama 'twenty five twenty one' and let's just say that show Changed me. genuinely remolded my very character. god it's so special to me. the point is though, that i was putting off finishing the show for months because i have a horrible problem with committing to media - most often than not, because I'm scared that if it ends... then that's it. it just ends. a sort of irrational hope that if i don't finish it, then nothing bad will ever happen to the characters i love. haha. but i took the step and spent the entirety of last night bawling my absolute eyes out, and as much as it pained me at first, i gotta say im relieved that i did. no longer is the guilt of 'dropping' the show weighing on me, but now i can say with full confidence that watching it will be one of my fondest memories. isn't that what the entire show is about anyways?

starting the day off on that bittersweet note meant that i went to sleep at around 2am with my eyes stinging from all the tears. add the fact that i chose to wake up at around 4am so i can eat before another day of fasting meant that i was definitely not getting enough sleep. i thought "wtv, i literally do this almost every other day, what could go so wrong".... oh dude. everything dude.

i was out of it the ENTIRE day. i had never felt so tired in my life. i was genuinely walking around school with my eyes closed bc i couldn't find any other time to rest. but it was funny, too. apparently, as told by my friend, my spatial awareness was absolute dog water today and multiple times i got spooked whenever a teacher would walk up to me. i still giggle a bit when i think about it.

uhmmmmmmm i'm not sure how to end this actually. i usually just leave it hanging but i feel as though i should conclude this with something,,,,,,

nah.